April Fools' Day 2016 - SEARCHX

SEARCHX Astro-Archaeologist Job Pre-Posting

Florida-based, Interstellar Travel Required

SEARCH is pleased to announce the launch of SEARCHX, the planet’s first interstellar archaeology program. Our new Astro-Archaeologists are making a big bang in the industry—SEARCHX has landed a lunar contract, and is in negotiations for missions to Mars and one expedition to Europa, a suburb of Jupiter. To keep up with soaring demand, SEARCHX will soon be looking for 321 zero gravity recruits to dig deep space.

To perform this position successfully, candidates should possess:

1. Master's degree in Archaeology, Astronomy, and Linguistics
2. Ability to troubleshoot thermonuclear and/or cold fusion propulsion systems
3. Experience forging favorable relationships with host communities
4. Ability to commit to 15- to 30-year deployments without any guarantee of safe return
5. Celestial navigation experience
6. One successful summit to Everest, K2, or Denali
7. Ability to sleep soundly without snoring
8. Roller coaster enthusiasm
9. Trampoline skill
10. Passport

Former astronauts and submarine veterans and will be given priority consideration. Pay is based on all non-hibernating hours worked. Direct deposit is mandatory. Quarters, meals, and transportation will be provided. On-site medical, dental, and wellness program provided in lieu of insurance coverage. Frequent flyer miles will be awarded for inter-planetary travel—orbital mileage does not apply.

Please do not apply at this time; the actual job posting will appear in the near future.

April 04, 2016

previous / next